Well, I thought I’d give you all something to grin about at the start of your day, whether it is spent glued to a corporate chair or hard at work on the manuscript which you hope will change your life.
There was once a literary agent who had various anxieties in her life: the biggest one being the vast inbox of submissions that loomed before her like an Everest of decision-making. Oh, how well she knew that if she stepped carelessly on those submissions, she stepped on precious dreams. In order to Get Ahead and maximise the absence out of town of the Husband (fear not, the agent was guarded at all times by a huge, slavering Hound who never left her side), the agent decided to rise particularly early one morning and attack the pile. Clad in new red Vera Wang robe and itsy-bitsy golden ballet slippers, she skipped downstairs, flicking the switch on the coffee machine en route to letting the Hound out of the back door. But oh dear - the Hound had problems descending the slippery steps! The agent went outside to assist - only to hear the door click shut behind her. Locked! Bolted! Impenetrable!
Alone with Hound, the agent deliberated - what to do? 6.15am, 40 degrees, and not a neighbour (or not the only neighbour with a key) stirring! Nothing to be done but to tough it out, manifesting the spirit that once made the British Empire great. So the agent sat down on the cold concrete step, reassured the Hound that breakfast milkbones would one day be forthcoming, and waited. And waited. And waited - as tentacles of cold inched their way into her rapidly freezing bones. There was much to think about on that step: Is it better to look only for fully formed manuscripts (like the agent’s many competitors) or work creatively with authors in the gamble of reaching a great submission together? How to help authors realize that finding an agent isn’t the end of the rainbow - it’s only the beginning? What is going to be the next big thing in children’s/YA fiction in the US and UK markets? It’s amazing the things you delve into when your rear end is frozen off at the crack of dawn.
Eventually the cold became too bad for any rational thought, so the agent made an innovative decision (much akin to those set out in Gary Paulsen’s novel of survival in the wild - HATCHET). She set off (surreptitiously, creeping through the undergrowth - what girl wants to be seen clad only in Vera Wang and a pair of ballet pumps?) towards the road, making a rapid grab on the morning’s papers. After all, we all know the value of newsprint - and I don’t mean in terms of articles on super-delegates. Safely back at her step again, she took the papers out of their little plastic bags (one blue, one white) and put the bags on her feet as socks. Then she fashioned a Batman cape out of the Style section of the New York Times and hunkered back down, revelling in something that could almost be termed warmth (or at least a reprieve from hypothermia). Didn’t we always know there was much to learn from people living rough in London and New York?
The roar of school buses alerted the agent to a world gradually awakening and she set off once more, this time to the neighbour’s front porch (helpfully gathering up HIS newspapers as a peace offering) where she sat in his rocking chair until a movement in the window alerted her to the presence of humanity. Yesssss! A quick ring on the door bell and baffled-looking neighbour appeared - clearly perturbed and somewhat mesmerized by the sight of a mad-looking female, hair standing on end and clad in Vera, the New York Times and plastic-bag socks - proffering him his Wall Street Journal.
A few words of explanation and all is understood. Ah yes, of course! It’s the British lady - well, we all know she’s unusual anyway because she speaks funny, so what can you expect?
It’s amazing what excuses an agent can find to avoid the submissions inbox, isn’t it. And, well, there’s always another day - isn’t there?
Enjoy your day, everyone. And wrap up warm.
Posted by on 04/09 at 12:16 PM
Hee Hee - what a lovely image you conjure up! It’s a better excuse than “the dog ate my homework” etc!
Well done for perpetuating the myth of the eccentric Brit’s.
PS - on your ponderings… might I suggest you have a mixed portfolio of the “ready to go”, perfect manuscripts and the rest of us? Working with the hot potentials who still need some crafting/editing help must be more satisfying but might not pay the bills!
Posted by
Gareth on 04/09 at 02:16 PM
Well, I don’t think I’ll ever look at a New York Times the same way again. I would suggest one of these, http://www.locksmithtoolandsupply.com/store/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Store_Code=PLT&Product_Code=860-0045&Category_Code=KC-PB
Built like a tank and never fails! Thanks for the laugh. Hope your day is looking up.
Posted by
H. Pinski on 04/09 at 02:36 PM
You said I could laugh so I’m afraid I did. That’s funny and what a fantastic picture you paint.
Perhaps you should consider changing your website photo to one in newspaper, plastic, and bed hair that might scare some of the submissions away.
:D
Posted by on 04/09 at 03:22 PM
Gareth, you’re partly right actually - a mixed portfolio is what is required. But you’re also wrong - in that many submissions fail (and I can say this as a former publisher) because agents send them out too fast and without doing any finessing. Now that is a crying shame, because new authors don’t get many shots and their names are better off kept clean (ie, untarnished by rejection). But it’s also true to say that you can work and work with an author and it still doesn’t hit the sweet spot for publishers. It’s a gamble either way, so all you can do is follow your gut and hope to win some - make the dreams come true for the few, if not the many.
Sarah
Posted by
Sarah Davies on 04/09 at 03:29 PM
I think there’s a great potential for a book here: The Adventures of Super Agent in the Urban Jungle. The baggie and newspaper combo could be your costume. Oh well, I found it amusing.
And thanks for helping to put the agent’s risks into perspective. We whiny writers like to think about our own risks in spending hours writing a book that may (and probably will) never go anywhere. It’s never a bad thing to be able to put yourself in someone else’s plastic baggies-I mean, shoes.
Posted by on 04/09 at 06:41 PM
Fair point about keeping a new author’s name clean - if a publisher rejects someone, will they even look at new work from the same person in the future? Do they keep “black lists” of rejected authors?
Also, I think you can’t pin all your hopes on your first novel making it… it’s got to be seen as a learning curve and the feedback you get and the honing you do goes to making the next book even better first time around (if that makes sense).
The trouble is I suppose, as much as you lovely agents want to bring on promising new authors, you can only give so much of your time… you have to have a successful business or everyone looses… Tough World but maybe that’s where literary agencies like cornerstones and communities like you-write-on can come in?
Gareth
Posted by
Gareth on 04/09 at 07:04 PM
Vera Wang? Ballet slippers? I must say, Sarah, you sleep in style. I’m feeling rather frumpy in my pink fluffy slippers, polka-dot pj bottoms, and junior high P.E. t-shirt (go eagles!). Next time you’re locked out, comtemplate style tips for me, k? I think I’m winter colors…
Posted by
Lindsey on 04/09 at 07:06 PM
“ . . . manifesting the spirit that once made the British Empire great"--This line slayed me.
I am sorry about the misadventure, but thanks for writing it up for all of us. I hope the Hound got his breakfast. Our golden retriever has a thing for Milkbones and a bit of a weight issue because of them--the vet said it’s like handing her a slice of pizza. Then he frowned. So I guess that’s a bad thing.
Posted by
Susan on 04/09 at 07:39 PM
There’s nothing worse than that doom-laden click. My eldest did it to us once when he was a tot and then couldn’t reach the latch!
Posted by
Jon M on 04/09 at 08:06 PM
Ah. Dignity. Always, dignity.
Posted by
Candy on 04/10 at 10:40 AM
Sarah, thanks for sharing your story with us. You have a real talent for creating pictures and making your reader feel. I was so worried! Glad you’re both home safe and warm.
Posted by on 04/11 at 12:27 PM
What a funny story. Thanks for sharing.
Posted by on 04/11 at 09:02 PM
This made me laugh! I locked my keys out of my car this Monday in the Barnes and Noble parking lot. And I remembered as I closed the door. There was that half second when I lunged for the just-closed door hoping maybe the lock hadn’t fully engaged yet. Of course it had, so I actually pounded my fists on the car roof (with appropriate dignity and grace), thinking as I did so that folks actually do pound car roofs and it wasn’t something you only see on TV. No one seemed to notice my behavior, though. (I checked afterwards.) Perhaps it would have been different if I’d been wearing a newspaper cape…
Thanks for sharing!
Posted by on 04/12 at 02:03 AM
I have long believed the newspapers are far better for keeping warm than for reading! By the way, wasn’t the hound ready to share some body heat (even though Vera might not have taken kindly to pooch hair)? 
Posted by
Absolute Vanilla...(& Atyllah) on 04/12 at 07:07 AM
Well, I guess that is one way to get to know your neighbors…
Awfully nice of you to help your little dog down the stairs.
I hope you decide to continue to work with us newbies and our “diamond in the rough” submissions.
Posted by on 04/14 at 03:13 PM
Oh, dear...! Thanks for making my day! (And may it never happen again!)
Best wishes, Sarah
Posted by
Sarah McIntyre on 04/25 at 11:58 AM
dPmkA1 xowozmebjjlf, ncmnwqdqsrny, [link=http://jolinmlnynkj.com/]jolinmlnynkj[/link], http://pgimjnpkakgj.com/
Posted by
fuptqhp on 08/15 at 07:41 AM
Page 1 of 1 pages
